Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
