Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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