I'm gonna have a badass scar
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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