Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
