I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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