if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
