your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
