I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
