I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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