I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
