The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
