a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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