So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
one might say we're banned from that church
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
