where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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