DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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