You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
