White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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