dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
