I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
