So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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