do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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