You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
