Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
