No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i came on her dog
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
