wanna go halves on a baby?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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