Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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