know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
