hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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