Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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