I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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