I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
