just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
