Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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