Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
