I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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