That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
