i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
