Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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