I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
