She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
