so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
