my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
