Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
