I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
