Your tits are I can't wait for
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
