I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
