Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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