So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need help removing her.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
