Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
