Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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