No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He? As in you personified your dick?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
